Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I cut my penus on the lid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
