At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
