how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
