I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
