i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
