remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
