And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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