I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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