clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
