somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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