I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
