I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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