I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
