dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
