she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
this will be a night to untag.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
