I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
