Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
