I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
