is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
