ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
