omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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