you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
