My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
