very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
