Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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