too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
