I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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