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So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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