'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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