Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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