Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
