Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
