i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
