I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
