and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
