ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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