he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
