so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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