my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
