There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
