suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
