clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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