my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
