Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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