Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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