now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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