Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
