My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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