my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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