Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
