I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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