don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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