Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
