so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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