I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
