i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
