omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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